Syllogisms for Simpletons

Dear Judge MuKasey:

1. If waterboarding is torture, then it is unconstitutional
2. Waterboarding is torture.
3. Therefore, waterboarding is unconstitutional.

And by the way,

4. All torture is morally repugnant.
5. Waterboarding is torture.
6. Therefore, waterboarding is morally repugnant.

Finally, just in case you harbor a simple-minded utilitarian defense of torture

7. All torture is ineffective.
8. Waterboarding is torture.
9. Therefore, waterboarding is ineffective.